Slim_Bankshot: Well, the least I can do is recap
Igfig: There she is
Ace_Justice: i'll pm you the link slim
handofevil: My my fortuna. You're lookin' good tonight
Slim_Bankshot: Where we last left off,
handofevil: Is that a new dress?
Ace_Justice: fortuna you sexy thang
Slim_Bankshot: You had all finished beating the shit out of some guards
handofevil: Oh right
Slim_Bankshot quit.
Ace_Justice: BASTARD
Ace_Justice: ig
Ace_Justice: http://i.imgur.com/6DKnS.png
Holdr: And then the Guards pulled out an odd machine and broke the 4th wall
Lucas_Strongbow: Good game, good game
Slim_Bankshot joined #pwot_dnd.
Holdr: And then murdered Slim
Slim_Bankshot: Bah
Slim_Bankshot: Waffle send that again please
Holdr: Oh hey Slim, The Guards broke the 4th wall and murdered you
Slim_Bankshot: It happens more than you'd think
Ace_Justice: remember I can add anything at any time
Ace_Justice: It's still open in CC3
Igfig: OOC talk in OOC
Ace_Justice: *crotch thrust, grunt, swivel hip, head shake*
Slim_Bankshot: Red
Lucas_Strongbow: I emerge from the crowd I disappeared into, popcorn bag still intact
Slim_Bankshot: Anywhoo....
Holdr: Blood
Slim_Bankshot: You had just beat down a bunch of guards. I was too tired to think of a creative cliffhanger
Slim_Bankshot: Any questions?
Heronius_Napalm: Barvo refolds into Heronius Napalm, dusting his hands and opulent robes.
Slim_Bankshot: (I guess not)
Ace_Justice: *appears out of thin air*
Holdr: Holdr.... Bah. I need to estab- A WITCH
Holdr: *stabs Ace*
Slim_Bankshot: Well, after they rabble you stirred up, alarms are going off and hte townspeople are scattering
Yin: I was thinking of switching out Alek for Thorn, so Alek, taking this momentary respite, sneaks back to the ship just as Thorn arrived eating some cooked leg from the ship.
Heronius_Napalm: I suggest we leave.
Ace_Justice: *crotch thrusts8
Ace_Justice: *
Holdr: Hmmm
Slim_Bankshot: A moment later,
Slim_Bankshot: Swarms of guards come rushing in like angry bees
Ace_Justice: well shit
Heronius_Napalm: run.
Heronius_Napalm: noww
Holdr: "Holdr stab"
Slim_Bankshot: Accompanied even by an angry buzzing noise. 
Ace_Justice: 1d20+12 athletics RUUUUNNN
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, athletics RUUUUNNN: [16] = 28
Ace_Justice: awesome
Slim_Bankshot: You are surrounded
Holdr: Ace Justice runs into a sword
Ace_Justice: 1d20+6 acrobatics to dive over the crowd
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, acrobatics to dive over the crowd: [18] = 24
Ace_Justice: WORD
Slim_Bankshot: Ace is dead. Roll new
Holdr: Oh crap
Slim_Bankshot: Oh
Slim_Bankshot: Well fine
Holdr: Welp. Looks like Ace is seperated
Heronius_Napalm: Ahem.
Guard_Captain: "Throw down your weapons!"
Heronius_Napalm: I will speak for the group.
Slim_Bankshot: Ace jumps and lands one the blade of the sword, using it like a springboard and flipping past the crowd
Lucas_Strongbow: Exactly how surrounded are we?
Heronius_Napalm: I hide my wand in my sleave
Ace_Justice: holy awesome
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+5
Fortuna: Heronius_Napalm, 1d20+5: [14] = 19
Ace_Justice: I do a flip too
Guard_Captain: The Guard Captain is brandishing a very large terrifying sword
Guard_Captain: "Throw down your weapons I say!"
Thorn pauses in his chewing.
Guard_Captain: "Or we'll run you through!"
Heronius_Napalm: my weapon is now concealed
Ace_Justice: am I behind the captain?
Guard_Captain: No
Ace_Justice: dang
Ace_Justice: who am I behind?
Slim_Bankshot: A small bunch breaks off and chases after ace
Heronius_Napalm: That's a 19 vs passive perception
Ace_Justice: oh shit
Guard_Captain: Oh crap uh
Slim_Bankshot: The source of the buzzing is revealed as they sic some angry bees on him
Guard_Captain: Holdr stifles a giggle
Ace_Justice: shit
Slim_Bankshot: "Never fear!"
Slim_Bankshot: A guard warns
Heronius_Napalm: "Bees is it? very interesting."
Slim_Bankshot: We are fair. You shall be granted a trial.
Guard_Captain: "Yes. Now throw down your weapons!"
Ace_Justice: They'd better BEE careful if they're looking for a fight with me
Thorn returns to eating the leg.
Guard_Captain: A large bee stings Ace in the neck for that pun
Slim_Bankshot:  1d20+5 bees catch up to ace
Fortuna: Slim_Bankshot, bees catch up to ace: [14] = 19
Ace_Justice: ARGH
Slim_Bankshot: Ace, make another run roll
Ace_Justice: 1d20+12 athletics to scooby doo run
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, athletics to scooby doo run: [20] = 32
Ace_Justice: FUCK YA'LL
Slim_Bankshot: Fucking A
Ace_Justice: "Like zoinks!" I run on the spot for a few seconds
Guard_Captain: WAIT WHAT'S THAT AHEAD
Ace_Justice: then dissapear in a cloud of dust
Guard_Captain: IT'S THE AIRLOCK
Guard_Captain: There's no other way out
Slim_Bankshot: Well, ace
Ace_Justice: "God Bless America"
Ace_Justice: *dives in*
Slim_Bankshot: Your comrades are being escorted away by many armed guards
Guard_Captain: Ace is sucked out into space
Guard_Captain: and dies a horrible death
Ace_Justice: wait
Ace_Justice: airlock
Ace_Justice: I mistook that for something else
Ace_Justice: hmmm
Ace_Justice: no side hallways?
Guard_Captain: Nope
Guard_Captain: "Throw down your weapons fool!"
Ace_Justice: *WHIPS OUT HIS GIANT AXE*
Slim_Bankshot: I imagine there are some, yes
Ace_Justice: YAAAARRRR
Slim_Bankshot: Oh, that'll work against bees
Ace_Justice: wait how many of them are there
Guard_Captain: About 15
Ace_Justice: pfft
Ace_Justice: bring it
Slim_Bankshot: And like 500 bees
Ace_Justice: oh
Guard_Captain: And they have BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Ace_Justice: eerrrmm
Heronius_Napalm: how many swarms is that?
Guard_Captain: Also Nick Cage
Ace_Justice: hm
Ace_Justice: 1d20+12 athletics to charge back through the swarm the way I came
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, athletics to charge back through the swarm the way I came: [12] = 24
Nick_Cage: "NOT THE BEEEEEEEEES"
Nick_Cage: THROW DOWN Y OUR WEAPONS THEY HAVE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES"
Nick_Cage: YOu do so but your run into Nick Cage
Ace_Justice: shit
Nick_Cage: "Hey, where's my chocolate cake?"
Ace_Justice: 1d20+13 endurance to endure his acting
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, endurance to endure his acting: [14] = 27
Nick_Cage: Not enough
Ace_Justice: Ace collapses and dies
Nick_Cage: Ace is hauled off by the guards
Ace_Justice: okay unconcious then
Slim_Bankshot: You are brought into a large, important, fancy looking building
Ace_Justice: *doesn't wipe his feet*
Ace_Justice: just to spite them
Heronius_Napalm: I have been talking them up
Heronius_Napalm: Endearing myself to them.
Slim_Bankshot: (we are discussing things. One moment)
Heronius_Napalm: distracting them from the fact that my wand is in my sleeve
Nick_Cage: Me and Slim are woefully unprepared as you can see
Nick_Cage: Wait, what was the roll for the wand
Ace_Justice: should have asked waffle for help, I'm great at making sure everyone just barely survives
Ace_Justice: 19
Nick_Cage: Oh yeah, he totally saw that
Slim_Bankshot: Yes, Hoe and I made a slight miscalculatiion
Heronius_Napalm: alright fine.
Heronius_Napalm: what about my other wand?
Heronius_Napalm: yeah he probably got that too..
Thorn: Do I still have the leg I was chewing on?  I'm assuming they took my short sword and hand crossbow since I didn't attempt to hide those.
Slim_Bankshot: They conviscated all of your weapons, yes
Uovena: not my wonderful war-axe???
Slim_Bankshot: And they viewed the leg as a health risk
Uovena: They will pay for this
Ace_Justice: bastards...
Ace_Justice: BASTARDDSSSS
Heronius_Napalm: I still have my charm and good looks.
Heronius_Napalm: as long as they don't make me angry.
Grumpy_Judge: SILENCE!
Ace_Justice: I still have my dignity
Ace_Justice: OBJECTION
Guard_Captain: "ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE GRUMP"
Ace_Justice: *POINTS*
Heronius_Napalm: you silence.
Uovena: Damn  - i am an ugly minotaur. No hope for me
Lucas_Strongbow: *Rises*
Ace_Justice: *sits*
Thorn: But I had carefully braised that leg.
Grumpy_Judge: You, whoever you inferior little things are,
Lucas_Strongbow: Is the judge an elf?
Guard_Captain: Yes
Lucas_Strongbow: Might be able to swing the elf thing again
Ace_Justice: are we about to RP a court case?
Ace_Justice: oh boy this will be fun
Guard_Captain: Yes but you have no lawyer Ace
Ace_Justice: Hey hey
Ace_Justice: You know
Grumpy_Judge: Have murdered several of my city guards, and the one with all the beestings is guilty of resisting arrest
Ace_Justice: there is a reason they call me Ace Justice
Thorn: He could be our Ace Attourney.
Grumpy_Judge: How do you plead?
Ace_Justice: it's short for Ace Attourney, Justice for all
Guard_Captain: I walk up to Ace and belt him with my sword
Guard_Captain: "QUIET"
Ace_Justice: I HAVE NO TONGUE
Heronius_Napalm: I use ghost sound to whisper crazy things in his ear.
Ace_Justice: I'M NOT SPEAKING
Guard_Captain: "SILENCE YOUR THOUGHTS WORM"
Ace_Justice: *hurt everyone*
Lucas_Strongbow: How the hell do we plead?
Ace_Justice: Justified self defense
Heronius_Napalm: Not guilty
Uovena: self-defense, I guess. someone had their robe hem touched
Lucas_Strongbow: (In Elven) Not guilty, your holiness
Uovena: reason enough for murder
Grumpy_Judge 4lowers a screen with security camera footage of the fight
Guard_Captain: "Let the court record indicate that the defendants have pleaded guilty."
Ace_Justice: WE DIDN'T
Ace_Justice: Bastards
Guard_Captain: He smacks you with his sword again
Ace_Justice: I'm thinking too loud
Guard_Captain: "You will hold your... mind tounge."
Heronius_Napalm: I use mage hand (invisibled)
Heronius_Napalm: to undo the captains belt
Heronius_Napalm: and yank his pants down comically
Guard_Captain: The captain's pants fall down.
Ace_Justice: haha
Heronius_Napalm: without looking at him
Guard_Captain: He belts Ace again
Guard_Captain: "HOW DARE YOU ASSAULT ME"
Uovena: (pointing at guard and laughing hysterically)
Guard_Captain: "Judge. Sentence them to the worst prison possible."
Ace_Justice: are my hands bound?
Grumpy_Judge: The one with the bee stings shall be held in contempt for laughing in my court!
Guard_Captain: Yes
Ace_Justice: fuck
Heronius_Napalm: A booming voice fills the hall.
Ace_Justice: *KICKS THE GUARD IN HIS EXPOSED BALLS*
Heronius_Napalm: THERE SHALL BE NO MORE OF THIS MOCKERY.
Guard_Captain: You fail
Ace_Justice: lies
Heronius_Napalm: (ghost sound)
Ace_Justice: 1d20+10 
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, 1d20+10: [8] = 18
Grumpy_Judge: Multiple guards escourt Ace away
Ace_Justice: well dang
Heronius_Napalm: I ORDER THIS FARCE TO CEASE
Guard_Captain: The Guard pulls up his pants again
Uovena: i cant believe it took him this long to pull his pants up. the smell...
Grumpy_Judge: "As for the rest of you, I'm not in the mood to listen to the attempted reasoning of scoundrels, thievs, peasents, and all the other things that inferior species like yourselves tend to always be
Heronius_Napalm: I AM CORELLOM
Ace_Justice: man fuck this guy
Ace_Justice: someone roll a charisma check
Heronius_Napalm: I am a wizard you bastard.
Ace_Justice: some cha skill
Grumpy_Judge: (yeah you can totes do that)
Heronius_Napalm: I will magic flap your face off.
Ace_Justice: 1d20+2 intimidate
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, intimidate: [13] = 15
Ace_Justice: GRRRRR
Heronius_Napalm: Diplomacy time.
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+10
Fortuna: Heronius_Napalm, 1d20+10: [3] = 13
Ace_Justice: on the guard captain
Ace_Justice: oh my
Lucas_Strongbow: I'll translate, they like that
Ace_Justice: sorry for stealing the good roll
Heronius_Napalm: we are... fuck it
Guard_Captain: The Guards start beating Ace Justice in the back room
Uovena: 1d20+7
Fortuna: Uovena, 1d20+7: [7] = 14
Uovena: intimidate
Uovena: does not work
Lucas_Strongbow: Unless anyone thinks filling the room with roots would help, I've got nothing
Grumpy_Judge: "If nobody here has any objections, I move to have these sentence to life without parole!"
Heronius_Napalm: I think our charisma is out the door.
Ace_Justice: try it
Ace_Justice: we need to return to our roots
Guard_Captain: " I agree completely your highness
Heronius_Napalm: all I have are my magic cantrips.
Ace_Justice: HAR HAR HAR
Lucas_Strongbow: No way, shit's a daily
Thorn: Well.
Thorn: I have Ghost Sound too.
Heronius_Napalm: if I can get an implement in hand I will burn this place to the ground.
Grumpy_Judge: "No objections then?"
Ace_Justice: make them think they are under attack
Heronius_Napalm: OBJECTION
Grumpy_Judge: "Speak!"
Heronius_Napalm: the sound fills the room
Guard_Captain: The guard slaps Hero
Heronius_Napalm: Hero slaps him back.
Heronius_Napalm: THE NAME IS MISTER NAPALM
Guard_Captain: "ASSAULT"
Heronius_Napalm: I spit on him.
Guard_Captain: "Judge. This man has struck an officer of the law."
Heronius_Napalm: I make a sound like nails on a chalkboard inside of his ear
Grumpy_Judge: "Two life sentences for that one on account of insubordination."
Heronius_Napalm: loud enough to be heard across the street
Ace_Justice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVVECt2cP_A
Grumpy_Judge: "Also, what the devil was that?"
Heronius_Napalm: I AM THE GOD CORELLON
Grumpy_Judge: "Take them away, someone make me some tea. Court adjourned."
Heronius_Napalm: AND I FORBID THIS COURT FROM CONTINUING
Guard_Captain: The Guard Captain smiles
Heronius_Napalm: damn it.
Ace_Justice: I think this works better now
Ace_Justice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHhMH3__74M
Guard_Captain: "You'll be locked away in the worst place known to elven kind."
Guard_Captain: "Crematoria."
Lucas_Strongbow: Oh man, he thinks he's Correlon again
Guard_Captain: "TAKE THEM AWAY"
Heronius_Napalm: really, I thought that was your moms house.
Grumpy_Judge: "And how much money do they have?"
Ace_Justice: hero might get angry
Ace_Justice: and possible
Ace_Justice: turn into
Ace_Justice: BARVO
Heronius_Napalm: Barvo's axe is heros wand
Thorn: If they're taking our money he might.
Ace_Justice: oh
Ace_Justice: well never mind then
Heronius_Napalm: but barvo can punch quite hard
Ace_Justice: still
Grumpy_Judge: "They each owe me 500 gold judges fee."
Ace_Justice: barvo is strong as fuck
Ace_Justice: BASTARDS
Lucas_Strongbow: We can actually afford that
Guard_Captain: "They have no money."
Heronius_Napalm: how many people are in this room
Heronius_Napalm: other than us?
Guard_Captain: "Their wasn't any on them when we arrested them."
Ace_Justice: 8
Heronius_Napalm: and are we restrained?
Guard_Captain: About 10 guards and yes
Grumpy_Judge: Yes
Grumpy_Judge: Remember?
Guard_Captain: By odd elven technology
Grumpy_Judge: And weapons taken
Heronius_Napalm: hmm
Heronius_Napalm: looks like it is time for patience then.\
Heronius_Napalm: look for an opportunity
Ace_Justice: I'm an ace when it comes to patience
Guard_Captain: The guards boo at ace
Heronius_Napalm: can I arcana the tech?
Grumpy_Judge: (be right back dudes)
Guard_Captain: You can
Guard_Captain: To see what it is I suppose
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+
Ace_Justice: hah
Guard_Captain: haw
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+16
Fortuna: Heronius_Napalm, 1d20+16: [17] = 33
Ace_Justice: WOOP
Heronius_Napalm: number lock was off
Heronius_Napalm: I know everything.
Heronius_Napalm: about magic.
Ace_Justice: if only we had black dynamite here
Guard_Captain: You know that it is a sort of force field generating device that is used to lock you in place, and deliver a shock in the event that the guards see fit.
Heronius_Napalm: hmm
Heronius_Napalm: weaknesses?
Guard_Captain: Well it pretty much relies on a specific key to turn it off
Heronius_Napalm: what does the key look like?
Heronius_Napalm: have I  seen it?
Guard_Captain: You have no idea
Grumpy_Judge: (Meds taken. Here I am.)
Grumpy_Judge: "Enjoy your stay in prison, you deserving sacks of filth!"
Ace_Justice: *middle finger*
Heronius_Napalm: piss in a pot you sopping ass
Grumpy_Judge: "Now, someone go arrest some more commoners for me to put on trial."
Heronius_Napalm: said super load in ghost voice.
Heronius_Napalm: mage hand slap his face
Grumpy_Judge: OK, so, you are all lead out of the building towards a transport.
Ace_Justice: (let's hijack it)
Grumpy_Judge: Behind the transport, you see them hooking your ship up to be towed
Grumpy_Judge: And those who were on it have also been arrested
Grumpy_Judge: Including your faithful space swine
Guard_Captain: "Thanks for the ship guys. We're going to enjoy stripping it at the prison."
Thorn: Well damn.  Guess Alek got short sticked by the police anyways then.
Lucas_Strongbow: WHAAAAAAAT
Heronius_Napalm: Time for some serious thinking
Lucas_Strongbow: If they scratch the decking I will be super pissed
Heronius_Napalm: followed by murder
Grumpy_Judge: (dude, never use 'stripping' and 'prison' in the same sentance.)
Heronius_Napalm: okay, I can ghost whisper talk to you guys. so they can't hear 
Heronius_Napalm: us
Ace_Justice: yes, use butt and sex instead
Guard_Captain: Slim has bad memories
Ace_Justice: it's more classy
Heronius_Napalm: "look for a chance to grab some weapons."
slim: You are loaded onto the ship and locked into individual pods
Heronius_Napalm: "I can probably get a few of us unhooked if I have to."
bob_the_prisoner: "Sup. Whatta you in for."
Ace_Justice: shit
Thorn: "What about the leg I was eating?" ghost whispered back at Hero.
Ace_Justice: who's our thief
Heronius_Napalm: "It's gone Thorn."
Thorn: "Damn."
Lucas_Strongbow: Me and Thorn can thief
Lucas_Strongbow: Sup Bob
Uovena: can i make a strength check to try to burst out of my puny pod?
Ace_Justice: can I do the same to rip out of my bonds?
slim: Sure
slim: Don't see why you can't try
Ace_Justice: 1d20+7 HULK SMASH
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, HULK SMASH: [1] = 8
bob_the_prisoner: The transport takes off
Ace_Justice: oh my
bob_the_prisoner: AHAHAHAHAHAAHA
Uovena: 1d20+6
Fortuna: Uovena, 1d20+6: [9] = 15
bob_the_prisoner: The bonds throw you against the wall and send you into  a seizure Ace
Uovena: I thrash around wildly, but to no avail.
slim: Ace manages to bind himself in place more securely
Lucas_Strongbow: Ace, remove your tampon, and try again in a little while
Ace_Justice: dangit
bob_the_prisoner: Ace is having a seizure and can't hear you
Ace_Justice: I like slim's better
Igfig: Ace is bleeding furiously
Ace_Justice: less medical emergencies
Ace_Justice: DAMMIT IG
Igfig: (I'm not the D)
Igfig: *DM
Heronius_Napalm: *slow clap*
bob_the_prisoner: The guards sit down by your cell and laugh
bob_the_prisoner: And off popcorn to the other prisoners to watch
Heronius_Napalm: mage hand pickpocketing
bob_the_prisoner: offer*
Ace_Justice: waffle
Ace_Justice: *cough*
Heronius_Napalm: I address the captian
Heronius_Napalm: "are you in charge here?"
captain: "Hidy ho convicterinos. This is your captain speaking. We will be arriving at Crematorea, the prison world, in roughly two hours."
Lucas_Strongbow: Is there a movie?
Ace_Justice: it's point break
bob_the_prisoner: Yes. It stars Nick Cage
Heronius_Napalm: I make the monitor explode.
Ace_Justice: it's that one with the bees
captain: "Please remain in your seats for the duration of the flight. If you need to use the restroom, too bad. You are stuck in your cell."
Lucas_Strongbow: Fuck yes
Lucas_Strongbow: To Nick Cage, not the bathroom thing
Thorn looks around at the other prisoners, except for our people, looking at options for replacing his lost meal.
bob_the_prisoner: "Howdy cell mate"
bob_the_prisoner: "Watta you in fah?"
Lucas_Strongbow: Sup Bob
captain: "When we begin our decent, please return seats to the upright position and raise all tray tables."
Thorn: What does Bob look like?
Lucas_Strongbow: Political prisoner
bob_the_prisoner: He looks like bob of course
Lucas_Strongbow: They say it's illegal to kill guards, we disagree
Heronius_Napalm: I say loudly.
Heronius_Napalm: "WE ARE HERE UNDER FALSE AND SLANDEROUS ACCUSATIONS"
bob_the_prisoner: "Well whatta you know, me too!"
Heronius_Napalm: "THERE IS NO PROOF FOR ANY OF THIS."
Thorn: For some reason that makes me think a balding guy with a few missing teeth, so probably not going to try to eat him then.
bob_the_prisoner: Actually he looks like flanders
Ace_Justice: that is what I thought
Thorn: Yeah, still not going to eat him.
Ace_Justice: minus the stache
guard: "You were seen killing guards. THere is no false acusations here!"
Lucas_Strongbow: I wasn't seen killing guards
Lucas_Strongbow: I wasn't even seen
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm a victim of circumstance
Uovena: hey, I wasn't even here man.
Heronius_Napalm: I was obviously being assualted by those ruffians.
Heronius_Napalm: I simple defended myself.
slim: "You were also found guilty of not being elves and therefore inferior."
Heronius_Napalm: bah
Lucas_Strongbow: (In Elven) I'm trying, man
Heronius_Napalm: I've never met an elf I could not sqiush.
Heronius_Napalm: I've never met anything I could not burn.
Ace_Justice: I've never met anything I could not eat.
Lucas_Strongbow: (Elven) You guys are awesome, you think I like being a disgusting human?
Thorn stares at Ace for taking my line.
Ace_Justice: *stares right back*
Thorn: 1d20+12 Intimidate
Fortuna: Thorn, Intimidate: [6] = 18
Ace_Justice: vs will?
Thorn: Thorn is too hungry to intimidate properly, but sure.
Ace_Justice: 1d20+2 intimidate
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, intimidate: [18] = 20
Ace_Justice: HAHAH
Thorn: Yeah, Thorn is too hungry for proper intimidation.
slim: Suddenly, there is a lurching and the ships grinds to a hault
bob_the_prisoner: Ace justice's seizure ends and he is thrown against the wall
Uovena: i can also try to intimidate?
Uovena: 1d20+7
Fortuna: Uovena, 1d20+7: [7] = 14
Ace_Justice: I wasn't seizuring though
Ace_Justice: I was tied up even worse
Uovena: i am not as fearsome as i expected to be
Ace_Justice: how does seizures even make sense from that
captain: "This is your captain speaking. There seems to be an impromptu space cow crossing. We will be delayed a few moments."
bob_the_prisoner: Because shut up\
Ace_Justice: space cows?
bob_the_prisoner: Yes
Ace_Justice: thorn might get hungry
Lucas_Strongbow: We're in space. Go over them you morons!
Ace_Justice: break out just to eat the cows
Lucas_Strongbow: Just let me and Hero fly, you guys don't have the feel
captain: They have to stick to the designated roads
Lucas_Strongbow: Where we're going...
Thorn: What prisoners are in here other then us and Bob?
Heronius_Napalm: I know.
captain: "Excellent. Moving on then folks."
Heronius_Napalm: I use a very loud ghost sound of space wolves
Heronius_Napalm: to startle the cows
bob_the_prisoner: BUT IN SPACE, NOONE CAN HEAR YOU HOWL
Heronius_Napalm: this is dnd space
captain: The now crossed cows start to panic and run around
Ace_Justice: noone has good ears then
Heronius_Napalm: it works different
captain: A few run in hte path of the jets and are cooked alive
bob_the_prisoner: "Hey captain! Why not just fly over the cows?:"
Lucas_Strongbow: This is what I've been saying.
Lucas_Strongbow: Let me fly
captain: "We must stick to the roads designated by the superiors. Now shut up or you'll get a third life sentence."
bob_the_prisoner: Yeah. but bob is an elf
bob_the_prisoner: "Okie dokie captain!"
captain: Wait, Bob is an elf?
bob_the_prisoner: Yup
Ace_Justice: EAT HIM THORN
Lucas_Strongbow: Woah, woah, this is good
Lucas_Strongbow: We need someone to show us the ropes about elves
captain: OK then. A third month. He is going to prison for a few months after murdering a punch of people
captain: *bunch
bob_the_prisoner: A PUNCH OF PEOPLE
captain: See, after murdering them he was caught jay walking while fleeing the scene
Uovena: are we there yet???
Lucas_Strongbow: You son of a bitch
Ace_Justice: that monster
Uovena: i haave to pee
Heronius_Napalm: I'm hungru
Heronius_Napalm: hungry*
Lucas_Strongbow: yeah, and this Nic Cage movie is entertaining but highly predictable
captain: "Now entering the atmosphere of Crema-HOLY SHIT!"
bob_the_prisoner: Hero becomes asian
captain: "EVASIVE ACTION!"
Lucas_Strongbow: Impossibru
artillery_cannon: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Heronius_Napalm: sigh
Heronius_Napalm: marvellous
artillery_cannon: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Heronius_Napalm: marvrrous
Lucas_Strongbow: We're busting out, I guess
Ace_Justice: *is sleeping*
artillery_cannon: A large hole appears in Ace's cell
Ace_Justice: AWESOME
Ace_Justice: *wakes up*
Ace_Justice: is it safe to jump out?
captain:  1d20 +10 pilot
Fortuna: captain, pilot: [11] = 21
artillery_cannon: Look out Ace
Heronius_Napalm arches an eyebrow
Ace_Justice: Or even better, crawl along the wall outside and punch holes in the walls of the other cells
artillery_cannon: You're about 50 miles above the surface
artillery_cannon: You can jump if you want
artillery_cannon: BOOM BOOM BOOM
captain: The captain carefully swerves around several blats, but one catches the underside of the ship
captain: "MAYDAY MAYDAY!"
Ace_Justice: I will climb along the outside wall
Ace_Justice: NEVER MIND
Lucas_Strongbow: See, shoddy piloting.
captain: "WE ARE CRASHING. REPEAT WE ARE CRASHING!"
Heronius_Napalm: I know, very amateur
captain: (everyone brace for impact)
Ace_Justice: braces himself against his bars
Ace_Justice: 1d20+9 strength
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, strength: [5] = 14
Ace_Justice: to hold myself
Uovena: i don't have to pee anymore
Ace_Justice: tight
Heronius_Napalm creates a low-fat muffin
transmission: "This planet is now under the control of the prisoners!"
Heronius_Napalm munch munch.
Ace_Justice: WOOOOO
Lucas_Strongbow: Welcome to CON AIR
Ace_Justice: hah'
transmission: "All guards will be murdered. All lawyers, especially those without tongues, will be lynched!"
Ace_Justice: OH COME ON
captain: Anybody else gonna try and brace themselves?
Ace_Justice: WHY SO SPECIFIC
Lucas_Strongbow: Yeah, I'm getting Con Air up in this thing
Lucas_Strongbow: Lucas the...Mucus
Heronius_Napalm: I create 1 pund of pillow stuffing around myself
Heronius_Napalm: pound*
bob_the_prisoner: "Woah there! That's a big hole! I'm out of here!"
captain:  1d20+3
Fortuna: captain,  1d20+3: [4] = 7
bob_the_prisoner: Bob the prisoner teleports out
Thorn: Um.
Lucas_Strongbow: 1d20+3 to brace I guess
Fortuna: Lucas_Strongbow, to brace I guess: [10] = 13
captain: (I guess not)
Thorn: Acrobatics to be totally fine during the crash.
Ace_Attourney_Justice: how high are we 
Thorn: 1d20+12
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d20+12: [3] = 15
Thorn: Or not, damn.
captain: The ship crashes violently.
Heronius_Napalm: I am surrounded by fluffy pillow
Ace_Attourney_Justice: How high are we?!
Lucas_Strongbow: Actually, Acrobatics to leap out triumphantly and safely at the point of impact
Lucas_Strongbow: 1d20+14
Fortuna: Lucas_Strongbow, 1d20+14: [7] = 21
Ace_Attourney_Justice: you know what me too
Ace_Attourney_Justice: 1d20+7
Fortuna: Ace_Attourney_Justice, 1d20+7: [9] = 16
Ace_Attourney_Justice: 8*
Ace_Attourney_Justice: so 17
bob_the_prisoner: Both of you have to roll coolness checks to look cool
Ace_Attourney_Justice: 1d20 funk check
Fortuna: Ace_Attourney_Justice, funk check: [18] = 18
captain: The captain failed his brace check,
Ace_Attourney_Justice: FUNKAY
Lucas_Strongbow: 1d20+12 Performance to look cool
Fortuna: Lucas_Strongbow, Performance to look cool: [13] = 25
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+16
Fortuna: Heronius_Napalm, 1d20+16: [10] = 26
Lucas_Strongbow: Yessss
Heronius_Napalm: 26 for pillow
Ace_Attourney_Justice: oh we're using preformance?
captain: and has impaled himself on the steering wheel
Ace_Attourney_Justice: +8 to that
Lucas_Strongbow: I was to look cool
Lucas_Strongbow: felt right
Ace_Attourney_Justice: so 26
bob_the_prisoner: Ace, lucuas, and Hero fly out in a heroic pose
Lucas_Strongbow: I powerslide on my knees when I hit the ground
bob_the_prisoner: and land with an explosion behind them
Ace_Attourney_Justice: explosions frame our landing
bob_the_prisoner: Ace looks at the explosion
Ace_Attourney_Justice: no I don't
Ace_Attourney_Justice: *puts on sunglasses*
Lucas_Strongbow: Hero, fucking draw this
captain:  1d20+5
Fortuna: captain,  1d20+5: [10] = 15
Heronius_Napalm: haha
Ary: 1d20+9 to hop skip and jump to safety
Fortuna: Ary, to hop skip and jump to safety: [17] = 26
Heronius_Napalm: possible
captain: The other guards don't impale themselves, though
Heronius_Napalm: I will create another pound of pillow stuffing where I land.
Heronius_Napalm: ahh
Heronius_Napalm: nice soft cushion.
Heronius_Napalm: to watch a very nice fire.
captain: They leave you in your cells, but open hte door and exit the craft to investigate
Lucas_Strongbow: I spin round to face the fire, while powersliding
Lucas_Strongbow: With a dr rockso cu cu cu yeah
captain: A few moments later,
slim: Some people return
slim: They are not the guards, but rather a dirty group of beat up looking bums with weapons they probably stole and/or improvised
bob_the_prisoner: Also your ship slowly drifts to the surface thanks to Black Dynamite who totally hid there
slim: One looks like a sharpen femur and another some teeth on a chain
Lucas_Strongbow: eww
escaped_convicts:  "Well, looks like it wasn't just a supply run."
escaped_convicts: "Who're you punks anyway?"
Lucas_Strongbow: Shetland Firestorm
Ace_Justice: me thorn and hero are outside right?
Lucas_Strongbow: And me
Ace_Justice: someone play a badass solo
escaped_convicts: Are you?
Ace_Justice: yeah we jumped out at the point of impact
escaped_convicts: I don't remember anyone getting out
Ace_Justice: rolled cool checks to do power slides and sunglasses
escaped_convicts: But OK
Ace_Justice: and pillows
Lucas_Strongbow: bob_the_prisoner	Ace, lucuas, and Hero fly out in a heroic pose
Lucas_Strongbow: Also, i don't have my guitar
Ace_Justice: fuck
escaped_convicts: "And what is a shetland firestorm?"
Heronius_Napalm: I create a guitar
Thorn steps out of the shuttle and emits a growling sound, from his stomach.
Lucas_Strongbow: Cheers my dears
Heronius_Napalm: and throw it to you
Lucas_Strongbow: 1d20+12 Guitar solooooo
Fortuna: Lucas_Strongbow, Guitar solooooo: [14] = 26
Lucas_Strongbow: With extra magic
escaped_convicts 4all gasp
escaped_convicts: "Is that...."
escaped_convicts: "Rock?!"
Lucas_Strongbow: And Roll, baby
Uovena: thrashing to the solo!
escaped_convicts: "The leader will want to see you! This way!"
Ace_Justice: 1d20+2
Fortuna: Ace_Justice, 1d20+2: [11] = 13
Ace_Justice: huh
escaped_convicts 4let everyone out
Ace_Justice: mmkay
Heronius_Napalm: right, take me to your leader.
escaped_convicts 4get them their gear from the evidence locker
Lucas_Strongbow: Hell yes
Ace_Justice: lucas
Ace_Justice: we are outside
Heronius_Napalm twirls wands about.
Uovena: my axe!!
Heronius_Napalm: That's better.
Ace_Justice: *shrug*
Ace_Justice: *spins axe in the air and catches it by the handle*
Lucas_Strongbow: I inspect my rifle, check no one's messed with it
Lucas_Strongbow: Say what you will about Elves, they know firearms
escaped_convicts: "Now hurry. Follow us!"
escaped_convicts 4lead you to a large bunker
bob_the_prisoner: Bob the prisoner pops in out of nowhere
Thorn: My leg is still gone isn't it?
bob_the_prisoner: "Howdy ho neighbor!"
Thorn: The one I was eating.
Lucas_Strongbow: Bob should just appear throughout the campaign
Lucas_Strongbow: everywhere we go
Ace_Justice: I forgot fortuna was her
Ace_Justice: here
Heronius_Napalm: can we see the lower half of his face?
bob_the_prisoner: Who's face
Lucas_Strongbow: Bob
bob_the_prisoner: Of course
Lucas_Strongbow: It's a home improvement reference
Ace_Justice: that show is still around?
Heronius_Napalm: no, but it lives on in our memories
Uovena: more like lingers...
Ace_Justice: shame'
Uovena: like an odour
Ace_Justice: wish it would just bug off
Ace_Justice: buzz*
escaped_convicts: Woah... Sorry guys I just spaced out mega for a sec.
Ace_Justice: fuck, you know what. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep here, and my endurance skill mod isn't high enough to keep going
Ace_Justice: I'm off to bed
Ace_Justice: see ya'll
escaped_convicts: You are brought before the bandit leader.
Ace_Justice quit.
escaped_convicts: Your other companions followed.
Heronius_Napalm: so there are about 20 people here?
Heronius_Napalm: on our side?
escaped_convicts: They let Poen out of the potato sack
escaped_convicts: No, just the main onnes
escaped_convicts: The ones that would normally be here
escaped_convicts: (I thoought we were missing a few)
bandit_leader: "I see you all brought a ship!"
Heronius_Napalm: We did.
Lucas_Strongbow: Sorry about the condition
Heronius_Napalm: what of it?
Lucas_Strongbow: Might have dinged it
bob_the_prisoner: This is your ship guys
bandit_leader: "It is a fine ship indeed. Was it yours?"
bob_the_prisoner: As in the one that was towed
Lucas_Strongbow: Oh
Heronius_Napalm: not was.
Heronius_Napalm: is.
bandit_leader: "Was. It is mine now."
Lucas_Strongbow: I raise my rifle
Lucas_Strongbow: Point it at the bandit leader
Thorn: 1d20+12
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d20+12: [13] = 25
Heronius_Napalm: Wrong thing to say.
Thorn: "All my food is on there.  It is ours."
Heronius_Napalm: I point some wands.
Lucas_Strongbow: "Sorry, but no dice"
other_bandits: *ahem*
bandit_leader: A bunch of other convicts point stolen guns and weapons at you
Heronius_Napalm: You think you are a threat to us?
Thorn: 1d20+12
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d20+12: [2] = 14
other_bandits: "This is our ship now you here?"
Thorn: And then his hunger caught up to him.
other_bandits: hear*
Heronius_Napalm: I can set you on fire before you can blink.
Heronius_Napalm: no, I don't hear.
Heronius_Napalm: you here this?
Heronius_Napalm: Gost sound
Heronius_Napalm: of a very angry dragon.
other_bandits: "We're not staying on this planet any longer! That's our ship!"
bandit_leader: "Cute. Now what else of value have you got?"\
other_bandits: The bandits laugh.
Heronius_Napalm: okay everyone.
Heronius_Napalm: murder time?
other_bandits: "You think that scares us? This is crematoria."
Lucas_Strongbow: In my head, the bandit leader is played by Tim Curry
Heronius_Napalm: murder time.
other_bandits: "There are no dragons."
bandit_leader: MURDER TIME FUN TIME!
Heronius_Napalm: I like your style.
Uovena: i could go for some murder
Heronius_Napalm: pity there is no time to enjoy it.
Heronius_Napalm: I attack.
Heronius_Napalm: a nice hypnotism to make him shoot himself.
Thorn: I got a better idea I think.
Heronius_Napalm: 1d20+9
Fortuna: Heronius_Napalm, 1d20+9: [15] = 24
Heronius_Napalm: vs will
Thorn: 1d20+13 Bluff with ghost sound bonus
Fortuna: Thorn, Bluff with ghost sound bonus: [10] = 23
Thorn: For an echoey voice of a greater demon speaking in abyssal.
other_bandits: Wait, aren't we rolling init first?
Thorn: You don't need demons to live on a planet for them to be summoned, and Hero is a mage.
bandit_leader: Hold up you guys
Heronius_Napalm: I am making a preemptive strike.
Heronius_Napalm: I am a wizard
Heronius_Napalm: there is a difference
other_bandits: Mages suck
Heronius_Napalm: correct
Thorn: Still, a master of the arcane arts.
Thorn: Either way.
Heronius_Napalm: but a wizard is very...powerful.
Heronius_Napalm: seriously though the leader shoots himself
Thorn: Or we could fake summon a demon.
Heronius_Napalm: I can summon a beast made of magma
Thorn: I can speak in abyssal.
Heronius_Napalm: I can speak in primordial
Thorn: Would they fear a demon or a primordial elemental more?
Thorn: Both tend to be chaotic.
Thorn: Forces of destruction.
Thorn: Oh, but I have better bluff.
Heronius_Napalm: one can actually punch them
Thorn: And intimidate.
Heronius_Napalm: in their faces
Heronius_Napalm: with magma fists
bandit_leader: (finding things. 1 sec)
Lucas_Strongbow: BANDIT LEADER
Lucas_Strongbow: We have a proposition
Thorn: "I challenge you for leadership of the pack."
bandit_leader: "I accept!"
Thorn: "Good, I'll finally get something to eat after this."
bandit_leader: "If I best you, we take your ship, and all we see fit."
bandit_leader: "Have you any terms?"
Thorn: "If I kill you, I'm eating you, and taking control of your group.  Also the ship will remain ours."
bandit_leader: "Deal!"
Lucas_Strongbow: One on one, no outside help
Holdr: "Punch him in the nose Thorn!"
Heronius_Napalm: (except for all the cheating heronius will do
Heronius_Napalm: )
Lucas_Strongbow: No cheating, if one of them notices, the deals off
Holdr: Change your name slim
Heronius_Napalm: There are no outward indications that I am doing anything with my cantrips.
Heronius_Napalm: but we shall see.
Heronius_Napalm: I will be ready for an all out war.
Lucas_Strongbow: The guy will be able to tell
Bandit_Leader1: "Very well. Shall we begin?"
Thorn: 1d20+11 Initiative
Fortuna: Thorn, Initiative: [6] = 17
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+9 init
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, init: [1] = 10
Thorn: "Begun!"
Bandit_Leader1: Oh crap
Thorn: Right, so will we put ourselves on the map then?
Bandit_Leader1: Thorn responds to my question with... whatever he attacks with
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah, I'm surprised
Thorn: Where on the map should we go?  Or will we use that white space?
Heronius_Napalm: I assume you will have a clear area
Bandit_Leader1: Topleft
Bandit_Leader1: With the cells
Bandit_Leader1: You have a surprise round
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm guessing there's a rudimentary throne room in there
Thorn: Right, Ambush Trick to move a bit further away from him, and to get combat advantage on him since he'll still be within 5 squares of me.
Thorn: And now Ferocious Charge.
Thorn: 1d20+13 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [5] = 18
Thorn: Wait, with Backstab.
Bandit_Leader1: Nein
Thorn: So 21 vs. AC, and I forgot the combat advantage, so 23 vs AC
Bandit_Leader1: Hit
Thorn: Right, so:
Thorn: 1d6+2d8+2d6+10 Damage
Fortuna: Thorn, Damage: [1, 3, 7, 1, 6] = 28
Thorn: Gloves of Fortune to reroll one of those 1s
Thorn: 1d6
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d6: [4] = 4
Thorn: So 31 damage.
Bandit_Leader1: Alright
Thorn: And...
Lucas_Strongbow: There's more
Thorn: Maybe, forgot to open the word document for Thorn up.
Thorn: Nah that's it, I can only deal my sneak attack damage once a turn yet.
Bandit_Leader1: So end turn?
Thorn: Yup.
Bandit_Leader1: The bandit leader sticks his sword in your gut
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+13 v AC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v AC: [6] = 19
Thorn: Miss.
Thorn: Thorn's gut remains empty, both of swords and food, for now.
Bandit_Leader1: and shifts away
Bandit_Leader1: End turn
Thorn: Right, Ambush Trick over to him again instead of charging.
Thorn: And another attack with backstab attached.
Thorn: 1d20+18 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [2] = 20
Bandit_Leader1: Nope
Thorn: Well damn, there goes my last backstab then.
Thorn: Action point, another stab.
Thorn: With combat advantage.
Thorn: 1d20+15
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d20+15: [12] = 27
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah, that's ahit
Thorn: 1d6+2d8+8
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d6+2d8+8: [2, 6, 2] = 18
Thorn: And another 18 damage.
Lucas_Strongbow: Fortuna is mean today on damage
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah\
Thorn: And now I end my turn.
Bandit_Leader1: The bandit leader moves with astounding quickness, slashing at your neck twice
Bandit_Leader1:  2#1d20+13 v AC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v AC: [9] = 22; v AC: [9] = 22
Bandit_Leader1: ...
Thorn: Immediate Interrupt
Thorn: Cunning Escape
Thorn: I gain a +4 bonus to defenses, making those a miss, and then another thing at the end of the enemy's turn.
Bandit_Leader1: Crap
Bandit_Leader1: Uh
Bandit_Leader1: Welp
Bandit_Leader1: Elven Accuracy
Bandit_Leader1:  2#1d20+13
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, 1d20+13: [3] = 16; 1d20+13: [12] = 25
Thorn: One hits then.
Bandit_Leader1:  2d6+4
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1,  2d6+4: [3, 6] = 13
Bandit_Leader1: Shift away, end turn
Thorn: And I take 13 damage.
Thorn: And I get to shift up to 3 squares from Cunning Escape.
Bandit_Leader1: End turn
Thorn: Right, my turn again.
Thorn: Ambush Trick myself a little further away again.
Thorn: And then a normal charge attack with combat advantage
Thorn: 1d20+19 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [1] = 20
Thorn: And a miss.
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah that's a definite miss
Thorn: Your turn.
Bandit_Leader1: Hmmmm
Bandit_Leader1: You also stumble and fall prone
Bandit_Leader1: The bandit leader laughs
Thorn: Thorn charges towards the bandit leader again, but finds his blow deflected by the great wooden throne thing, and I didn't know we did critical fumbles?
Bandit_Leader1: Wait, we don't?
Igfig: I think we do
Thorn: I mean I know 1 is an automatic miss.
Thorn: Alright then, so I'm prone.
Bandit_Leader1: Ah, so you still fall prone then
Bandit_Leader1: Bandit leader laughs, etc
Bandit_Leader1: And drives his sword into your back
Igfig: They're not in the rules, but Slim always does interesting things with fumbles
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+15 v AC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v AC: [20] = 35
Bandit_Leader1: AHAHAHAHA
Thorn: Ouch.
Thorn: Immediate Interrupt
Thorn: Slip Aside
Thorn: I take half damage.
Bandit_Leader1: So that's 2d6+4, I shift and make a secondary attack
Thorn: So 8 damage then, and now this.
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+17 V ac
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, V ac: [2] = 19
Bandit_Leader1: cRAP
Thorn: And a miss.
Bandit_Leader1: Hello capslock
Bandit_Leader1: End turn
Thorn: And bother, I don't have anything useful for being prone.
Heronius_Napalm: just stand up
Thorn: So guess I stand up and I end up attacking without combat advantage this time.
Thorn: 1d20+13 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [18] = 31
Thorn: 1d6+7
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d6+7: [5] = 12
Thorn: And...
Thorn: Sudden Leap
bandit_leader: Are you just murdalizing him?
Thorn: Minor Action, I leap half my speed, would that incur an opportunity attack?
Thorn: Yeah I just stabbed him again.
Bandit_Leader1: Yes it would
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+13 v aC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v aC: [6] = 19
Thorn: And a miss.
Bandit_Leader1: However he misses
Bandit_Leader1: My fan seems to be clanking against something. That's not good
Thorn: So rising back up from his fumble, Thorn stabs the Bandit Leader again before leaping to safety and away from the his foe's blade.
Thorn: Also is this guy bloodied yet?  I've done 61 damage to him.
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah
Bandit_Leader1: He's almost dead
Thorn: Oh good, I was thinking this is going to be a long fight if he hadn't been bloodied yet.
Thorn: So his turn then.
Bandit_Leader1: Alright
Bandit_Leader1:  He's desperate now
Bandit_Leader1: He knows he's going to lose
Thorn: How are his men reacting?
Bandit_Leader1: He charges
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+15 v AC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v AC: [10] = 25
Bandit_Leader1:  2d6+4
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1,  2d6+4: [5, 4] = 13
Thorn: I think he's too close for a charge.
Bandit_Leader1: Is he?
Bandit_Leader1: Huh, that he is
Bandit_Leader1: He'll move and attack then
Bandit_Leader1: That's a 23
Thorn: Yeah still a hit.
Thorn: And now I'm bloodied.
Bandit_Leader1:  13 damage then
Bandit_Leader1: End turn
Bandit_Leader1: Oh hey
Bandit_Leader1: I deal 1d6 extra
Bandit_Leader1:  1d6
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1,  1d6: [6] = 6
Thorn: Why?
Bandit_Leader1: so add a 6 tyo that
Bandit_Leader1: I moved 3 squares
Lucas_Strongbow: Is the bandit leader bloodied?
Uovena quit.
Bandit_Leader1: Yes
Thorn: You moved 2 squares.
Thorn: Though I suppose you could have moved more then that to get there actually, nevermind.
Bandit_Leader1: Your turn
Thorn: So Ambush Trick, not moving though.
Thorn: 1d20+15 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [2] = 17
Thorn: Well damn.
Thorn: Maybe I should have done the other thing then, too late now.
Thorn: End turn.
Bandit_Leader1: Alright
Bandit_Leader1: He'll try to gut you again
Bandit_Leader1:  1d20+13 v AC
Fortuna: Bandit_Leader1, v AC: [1] = 14
Bandit_Leader1: Oh crap
Thorn: Hooray for a very nicely timed 1.
Bandit_Leader1: He stumbles aaaaaaaand... Hmmmm
Lucas_Strongbow: he fell down...
Bandit_Leader1: Yeah he falls prone
Thorn: Anything else?
Bandit_Leader1: Nope
Thorn: Ambush Trick and then another stabbing.
Thorn: 1d20+17 vs. AC
Fortuna: Thorn, vs. AC: [8] = 25
Thorn: 1d6+2d8+8
Fortuna: Thorn, 1d6+2d8+8: [2, 6, 8] = 24
Bandit_Leader1: The bandit leader weakly attempts to pick himself up before you make your final strike, but to no avail
Bandit_Leader1: Your sword/axe/otherchoiceofweapon plunges into his neck, decapitating him
Bandit_Leader1: He lies there bleeding
Heronius_Napalm: I magehand the head\
Heronius_Napalm: dangle it before the crows
Heronius_Napalm: crowd
Bandit_Leader1: It has an ugly expression
Heronius_Napalm: slowly rotating
holdr: "Holdr stab  head when done."
Lucas_Strongbow: I play a triumphant riff on the guitar
Lucas_Strongbow: Thorn, you can go sit in that throne
holdr: It's more of a beat up chair then a throne
Thorn drags the body with me to the throne, lops off an arm, and starts tears off a hunk of it after sitting down.
bandits: "Well shit..."
Thorn: throne/beat up chair
bandits: "SoI guess you're the boss man now."
Lucas_Strongbow: (In Elven) Looks like there's a new Sheriff in town, folks!
bandits: "We shot the sheriff!"
holdr: "did you shoot the deputy?"
Heronius_Napalm: What about the deputy?
Lucas_Strongbow: Too slow
Thorn: "Then go shoot whoever the elves replaced him with!  I'm eating right now."
bandits: "Well, warder, but he wore a cowboy hat and boots."
Lucas_Strongbow: Mine
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm changing my look
bandits: "We did not shoot the deputy."
Lucas_Strongbow: So where is he?
holdr: He also had a nice carhartt jacket lucas
bandits: "We shot him out of an artillery cannon."
holdr: "Holdr got hit with sheriff."
bandits: "So we... Kinda shot him I guess..."
Lucas_Strongbow: Little too Brokeback for my taste
Lucas_Strongbow: The jacket
Thorn: "Works.  Bandits, info, now!"
Thorn: "Info on the elven base here, any defenses, anything preventing us from just leaving this planet, and info on any spices you have so I can cook the rest of this guy up properly!"
Ary: Morbid...
bandit: "The warden's office probably has some spices."
bandits_shutupnickserv: One bandit runs off and returns with a few spices
Heronius_Napalm conjures another low-fat muffin.
Heronius_Napalm munch munch
Heronius_Napalm: sho,
Heronius_Napalm: what kind of operation is this?
Lucas_Strongbow: Got any meat here that wasn't sentient?
Other_bandit: "Not really."
Ary: well dig in then...if thorn lets you Lucas
bandits: "You're in hte base."
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm not eatin bandit leader. I have some standards
bandits: "This place is a prison. THey focused on keeping us in. Not keeping themselves comfortable.""
Ary: I hear bandit is quite the sweet meat, is that true Thorn?
Heronius_Napalm: So are there any authorities still around?
Thorn: "A bit chewy and stringy, not much fat to it.  If you want sweet you should go with one of those canned elves, they're pretty soft under the metal."
Lucas_Strongbow: There's no way the Elves aren't gonna hear about a ship crashing
Ary: May have to try that next batch we kill then...could be an ...interesting meal
Other_bandit: "The warden managed to get off a distress signal before we killed him."
Thorn: "Wouldn't that be cannibalism for you?  You furless races tend to be against that."
Heronius_Napalm: right, like our lot has standards.
Lucas_Strongbow: I do
Heronius_Napalm: we started this by murdering a rival band because their music was not very good.
Lucas_Strongbow: I said I had standards. I didn't say which ones
Lucas_Strongbow: Anyway, they started it
Other_bandit: Was Lucas even there?
Ary: Actually, you did, looking for meat and all...
Thorn: "Wrong encounter Eladrin."
Ary: Pardon me...
bandits: "Aw shit. He did?"
Other_bandit: "Yeah. You didn't know?"
Lucas_Strongbow: I've been here since the beginning
bandits: "Their whole fucking armada will be here to bomb the planet!"
Lucas_Strongbow: then, we need to go
Artillery_cannons: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Lucas_Strongbow: FUCK
Artillery_cannons: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Heronius_Napalm: Alright, let's get moving.
Thorn: "I specifically mentioned any info about stuff that would prevent us from leaving this planet!  This seems like something that would prevent us from leaving this planet, why was it not mentioned earlier?"
Heronius_Napalm: there is probably damage we can be doing elsewhere.
Thorn: "Right, Bandits!  Arm the artillery cannon, kill the elves, don't shoot us, we'll escape to continue fighting the tyranny of the elves with rock and roll.  Any questions?  No?  Good."
Artillery_cannons: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Lucas_Strongbow: Oh by the way, this is Bob, you can have him
Thorn stands up, grabs the spices, and picks up the body over his shoulder.
bob_the_prisoner: "No way Jose! I don't like fighting!"
Heronius_Napalm: Bob, you are interim leader.
bob_the_prisoner: Bob winks out of sight
Thorn: "Also I'll be wanting to keep that head, still need to get the good parts out of it."
Thorn grabs the bandit leader's decapitated head.
Lucas_Strongbow: Are these cannons on the ground firing up or in the air firing down?
Artillery_Cannon: Surface to air
Artillery_Cannon: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Lucas_Strongbow: okay, so we have defenses
Lucas_Strongbow: Is there a window or something I can check to see what the cannons are firing at?
Artillery_Cannon: Yes
Artillery_Cannon: You see the cannons firing at a few ships in the atmosphere
Lucas_Strongbow: I have no idea what we should do
Artillery_Cannon: BOOM BOOM BOOM
Artillery_Cannon: They don't seem to be hitting much
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm guessing these ships are better armed and manned than ours?
Heronius_Napalm: Lucas, try to help those cannons.
Lucas_Strongbow: Yeah
Lucas_Strongbow: Let's see what a marksman can do with these things
Artillery_Cannon: Me and Slim are discussing stuff
bandits: (yeah, sorry. Turns out there isn't much for ships in the compendium. We must improvise)
Lucas_Strongbow: Ig is good with that stuff
Igfig: Yes, but unfortunately I can't improvise multiple ship stats on zero notice
Artillery_Cannon: As you can see we are woefully unprepared
Thorn: Well.
Heronius_Napalm: fudge it
Artillery_Cannon: We're figuring stuff out
Heronius_Napalm: treat them as solo creatures
Heronius_Napalm: so 4x reg stats\
bandits: Yeah guys this is my first time working with HoE
Lucas_Strongbow: Don't worry, it's been cool so far
bandits: Also I am just going to assume someone stuffed Poen back in a potato sack
bandits: Because the thought greatly amuses me
Lucas_Strongbow: I have one thing that can heal one person, one healing surge, once a day
Lucas_Strongbow: That should see us through
Artillery_Cannon: Alright
Heronius_Napalm: I am Heronius Napalm
Artillery_Cannon: Done
Heronius_Napalm: That will see us through
Thorn: Plus Alek is here, and last I checked he still hadn't used his healing thing, also a daily.
Artillery_Cannon: ALRIGHT
Artillery_Cannon: The cannon appears to be firing at a couple flitters
Lucas_Strongbow: So can I give it a go?
Artillery_Cannon: That's all you can see right now
Artillery_Cannon: You can fire the cannons yes
Artillery_Cannon: It's +3 prof and 4d8 damage
Lucas_Strongbow: I shove the raggedy prisoner aside who's been operating it
Lucas_Strongbow: Climb in the seat, look down the sights and give it a whirl
Lucas_Strongbow: 1d20+10
Fortuna: Lucas_Strongbow, 1d20+10: [1] = 11
Lucas_Strongbow: Hmm
Heronius_Napalm: hahahaha
Lucas_Strongbow: That is not good
Lucas_Strongbow: FORTUNAAAAAAA
Artillery_Cannon: The cannon fires back and smashes you in the face
Heronius_Napalm: I laugh at you.
Artillery_Cannon:  1d10
Fortuna: Artillery_Cannon,  1d10: [9] = 9
Artillery_Cannon:  9 damage
Lucas_Strongbow: I take it willingly
Artillery_Cannon: And it takes an extra turn to reload
Lucas_Strongbow: That could not have gone any worse
Artillery_Cannon: Is anyone else doing anything?
Lucas_Strongbow: There are no lower numbers
Ary quit.
Thorn: My buddy has to go I'm afraid, so he says ta ta.
bandits: "Shit shit shit we're gonna die!"
Lucas_Strongbow: I guess not. We are a little understaffed
Lucas_Strongbow: Can i try to fire again?
Artillery_Cannon: The flitters make an attack run, firing on the prison
Lucas_Strongbow: This time without being in a Looney Tunes cartoon
bandits: "Can we have your ship please if you're gonna stay and fight?"
Artillery_Cannon: The building shakes
bandits: "Or can you at least take us away from here?"
Thorn: "No. to taking it without us."
Lucas_Strongbow: "Will you serve as our crew for very little to no pay?"
Heronius_Napalm: no pay.
Artillery_Cannon: Lucas are you looking up at the sky?
Artillery_Cannon: Or anyone else?
Heronius_Napalm: they will be lucky if they are fed
Lucas_Strongbow: Once I have the soot out, yes
Heronius_Napalm: they will get lemon juice and hard tack.
Lucas_Strongbow: Lime juice
Lucas_Strongbow: lemons are too expensive
Thorn: I think Lucas, me, and Hero are the only people left sides you guys.
Artillery_Cannon: You notice a very large battleship breaking the atmosphere
Lucas_Strongbow: ...
Heronius_Napalm: hmm
Artillery_Cannon: And because there's only 3 of you left, we'll end there
Thorn: I think we're going to need more people, and more bigger guns.
Thorn: Or we should take that battleship over.
Heronius_Napalm: well, my friend will be back in about 20 minutes
Heronius_Napalm: so 4
Heronius_Napalm: but that is a little while away
Lucas_Strongbow: I'm gonna go now, if we're ending it
Lucas_Strongbow: Byeeeeeeeee
Igfig: BYe
Heronius_Napalm: oh well.
Artillery_Cannon: Welp
Thorn: Guess that is that then.
Igfig: Fortuna, shall we?